Going Dark

Over the last hour, I’ve been watching an amazing sunset. We have a wall of windows and a sliding glass door that leads out onto a huge balcony. The sunsets in California are out of this world. As the sunset progressed, a huge cloud sat right above the mountains and the ocean, creating some magnificent colors and shadows. Purples, pinks and grays are about to completely be hidden as the sun is almost gone and night sets in.

As I watched the sunset, I texted my grandmother (yes, my grandmother!) to ask about my grandfather who just had major surgery and had just come home a few days ago. I knew I should call and have a more in depth conversation with her, but I don’t have it in me. I realized that I had gone dark, like the setting sun.

By going dark, I mean that I hadn’t been in communication as much with my family or friends like I typically am. When I don’t text back or they get my voicemail for a few days, it gives them the message that I’m likely sick. I don’t mean to do it, but at that point I’m just trying to survive. If they get concerned they will typically text my boyfriend to make sure I’m still alive.

When I just texted my grandmother, I asked about grandpa but also let her know that I’ve had a few rough days. During this transition time for him, I want to be at home in WV to help. Since I can’t be, I should be checking in with my family more often than I have since he got home. I’ve gone dark. My text let her know that I’m thinking of them, but need some space. I think it’s just a pattern we’ve all adjusted to over the years.

It’s probably harder on the person I’ve neglected than on me. I feel guilty, but I add it to the “To Do” list and I’ll get back to them soon. I’m lucky they are all so understanding and supportive.

The sun is completely gone now. From my vantage point, all I see are lights littered along the hillside. There are patches of complete darkness. That’s where you’ll find me for the next few days until I can break this cycle: I’m in the dark.

 

Posted in

Medical Mondays- Changing Insurance Companies Finale

April 10, 2017

This is the last part in the crazy lengths I had to go to to fight for an insurance company to honor their word and collect money they owed me. To read the first part of this series, click here. Recap: I’ve been fighting to get reimbursed for funds I paid out of pocket for…

Migraine Takes. But It Also Gives Sometimes.

July 12, 2017

My eyes were full of tears so many times in June for different reasons. Sometimes because of my own pain, but more often due to the stories of others that I have had the privileged to know. I’ve seen the despair of a life with migraine disease, robbing those of the future they had envisioned.…

My Favorite Articles as a Migraine Writer – Part Four

June 26, 2017

In less than 4 years, I’ve written over 100 articles sharing my world with chronic migraine disease & pain. For migraine awareness month, here are my favs. June is Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, so I thought I’d share with you the ones that have meant the most to me. Images of an Invisible Illness…

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.